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so im sitting in church this morning and i find this verse in 2… - curses... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
xstainedglassx

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[Mar. 12th, 2006|12:45 pm]
xstainedglassx
so im sitting in church this morning and i find this verse in 2 timpthy about what kind of people God turns away from and i started to wonder if God turns away from me... I cant control this disease, i cant help it.. but at the same time im being ungratfeul for what he has given me body wise and im being self obsessed in my self loathing and i just cant help but feel like im being condemned for something i have no control over. do you think God has mercy for us? do you think he casts us out just because we are unable to love what He has "blessed"us with? i feel so dirty, i feel so ugly and horrible right now. y heart wwas breaking in the middle of the service and i had to leave. my dad preaches and i cant very well ask him... am i really arrogant? am i really that horrible of a person that God would find in necessary to put me in the bible as "one of those" people? does anyone else worry about this? ive never really felt like my disorder has gotten in the way of my relationship with God but maybe its keeping me from it completely? i feel so... lost and gross.
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Comments:
From: breaking_alice
2006-06-27 12:29 am (UTC)
Hi, I'm Alice,
and found you in the community were_not_hungry
and I know you posted this a long time ago,
but I wonder about this every single day
have you found any answers to your questions?
Because they are mirror images of my own.
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From: xstainedglassx
2006-09-19 03:43 pm (UTC)
i have come to the conclusion that He created me the way that I am, and I did something extreme with what He gave me. I realize that He created me to be health conscious and body conscious but for health reasons as my family does not share this and I see them suffering because of it... I just was looking for something to fill a void in myself and chose this. I did this to myself, I realize that now. I cant blame anyone else, but He loves me anyway. He knows what goes through my head, but more importantly He knows what is in my heart. That is more important above all else.
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From: breaking_alice
2006-09-20 01:14 am (UTC)
thank you :]
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